Those of us who remember sex education will also remember being taught that sex is no walk in the park. A lot of the education we received (in the UK, for instance) was abstinence-focused. Even though they’re not allowed to explicitly say that anymore. Sex, we were told, was supposed to be painful.
Even the language we use to describe sex implies that the process is sticky, uncomfortable and wince-worthy. Breaking the hymen. Popping the ‘cherry’. Penetrating the vagina. You sit there watching a reconstruction of a dilating vagina during birth and you begin to wonder what all the fuss is about. Sex? I could do without it, TBH.
The unfortunate fact of the matter is, our education shapes our experiences. A 50 year-old teacher, jaded and sexless, takes a drag from her cigarette and tells us we’re in for a lifetime of disappointment. Us women simply have to lie back, play the inanimate vessel for two minutes while our husband (who secretly hates us) limply thrusts into us. He’s uncomfortable, we’re uncomfortable, and we long for it to be over. We repeat verbatim that sex is a chore until our sex lives actually begin. And we believe this is how it should be.
Well, we’re here to tell you that sex is not supposed to be painful. Forget everything you learnt growing up. All the penis-in-vagina stuff, the sex-for-procreation and the man-is-always-right stuff. Painful sex isn’t supposed to be a lifelong affliction. There are things you can do to relieve it.
Here at Dani Pepper, we believe that pleasure should be a number one priority during sex. Not just your own pleasure, but the pleasure of your partners’ as well. Here are three ways to maximize your pleasure, put painful sex in its place and really reclaim your ‘O’.
I know, I know. I’m feeling the déjà vu feels as well. But here at Dani Pepper, we’re big advocates for holistic healing. Of course, tantric sex isn’t the cure-all gold pill of painful sex. If pain during sex has started to become a chronic problem for you, then it’s always best to speak to a health professional and focus on some medically-prescribed treatment options.
Tantra is often recommended to Vaginismus sufferers as a way of removing penetration from the spotlight. We’re vehemently conditioned to focus on penetration as the ‘one true’ way of achieving your ‘O’, whatever your age, gender or sexuality. If penetration doesn’t get you excited downstairs, it can feel even more uncomfortable when you attempt it.
Communicating openly with your partner(s) about exploring other means of sensual intimacy can be the first step to seriously enriching your sex life. Your pleasure is a priority – and it’s okay if penetration doesn’t necessarily do it for you.
Through tantric sex, you’re free to feel your way through sensuality in any manner you see fit. From oral sex to clitoral stimulation, non-sexual affection and beyond. The emphasis shifts from the destination to the journey – so you don’t feel any pressure to engage in acts you feel uncomfortable with, or cum after a certain time!
Just do you, boo.
Speak To A Health Professional
Most of us – particularly people with vaginas – expect sex to hurt at one point or another. This is often taught behaviour, like in sex education when your teacher tells you about ‘friction burn’ or the ‘dangers of breaking your hymen’. People often confess that they probably don’t like sex, because they experience pain whenever they have it.
Let us reassure you, it isn’t supposed to hurt. Sex has a great reputation for a reason. At its best; it can be fun, passionate, sensual, intimate, euphoric… and a good laugh. Sometimes it takes a while for you to discover your likes and dislikes – and that’s okay!
Continuously experiencing pain during sex, however, could be a symptom of something more serious. For people with vaginas, gynaecological problems are often at the root of uncomfortable sex. Vaginismus, Endometriosis, vaginal dryness, thrush and other infections are often responsible for sexual discomfort.
Speaking to a health professional is a sure-fire way of combatting painful sex. Depending on what’s causing your discomfort, your doctor (or OB/GYN) can recommend a number of ways to ease the pain. You’re not alone in this!
Love Thy Lube
What do Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, and Frederic Kipping have in common? That’s right; they all invented revolutionary products.
Kipping created the type of lube we know and love today. Gone are the days when nay-sayers would associate lube with their own failings. Lube is versatile, pleasure-maximizing and an excellent addition to the bedroom.
Lube is great at assisting penetrative sex; be it vaginal or anal. It can hugely help with vaginal dryness and, frankly, is a godsend when it comes to bottoming. Using lube with hand or oral play can intensely increase your pleasure – or that of your partner – as well. Circumcised penis-owners often experience mild discomfort during sex or masturbation, which can also be relieved by lube.
Here at Dani Pepper, we see lube as a key tool for that screaming ‘O’. Our ‘O’ Orgasm Enhancer will naturally increase and intensify the length of your orgasm. The relieving properties of CBD ensure that your pelvis is fully relaxed and your genitals are perfectly moist during sex. Our intoxicating blend is made from 100% natural ingredients.